From the Beginning
by lovetheturners
Summary: Story of Sister Bernadette and Dr. Turner. Mostly POV but some new material including letters and wedding night. Only M at the end. My first fanfic ever. It has it's moments, but someday I just might revise it all.
1. From the Beginning Dr Turner

Dr. Turner had a different relationship with each of nonnatus Sisters. He and Sister Julienne were like professional partners. They relied on each other's support and counsel as they ran the clinic and served the people of the district. Sister Evangelina was a tough bird, but was as practical and hardworking as anyone he had ever met. Often they did not see eye to eye, but she was the one who saved him from running to every delivery with gas and air. He was busy enough with this over populated district. Sister Bernadette was a highly accomplished midwife, but also she always seemed to care about everyone in her own unique way. She especially cared about Timothy. This meant a lot to him as he himself always seemed to be letting his son down. As Timmy was quick to point out he was always late for everything. He was too young to understand the importance of his job as general practitioner to the people of Poplar.

It was Sister Bernadette who asked about Timothy and listened to his concerns about their first Christmas after his wife had passed. She shared her experience of losing her mother at a young age. Over time he found himself enjoying conversations with her. It was not until after she started wearing her new spectacles that he began feeling different towards her. He suddenly noticed her amazing warm blue eyes. They were like a magical sea that just pulled him in.

It was hard to see her eyes much of the time. She was always looking down and quick to avert her gaze. Only during deliveries when they were a team working together did she look his way without censor . It was also during deliveries when it was not uncommon to be physically close. This was often due to cramped rooms and the nature of complicated deliveries.

It was during the Carter delivery that he became acutely aware that his feelings had taken an inappropriate turn. As he passed the first baby off to her before going out to share the good news her hand touch his. The feeling that went through him was shocking. It happened again as she brushed by him after placing the second baby with her mother. Maybe it was just the intensity of the situation, he thought, as this was immediately after he had watched her skillfully revive that baby.

After that intense delivery including Sister being punched in the face, the moment outside when she shared his Henley was like a dream. She spoke of being age fourteen and he found he wanted to hear every story of her life in that moment. Before she peddled off she looked up at him and he knew he was in trouble.

Then she was there to step in when Timothy had left school with his scraped arm. His son needed a mother or at least a father who was not pulled in every direction all over the East End. There was a bond there between Sister and his son. Timothy felt it when he drew her the picture of them. Sister in her habit and holding his hand. He did not know why he kept the picture and delayed passing it on. He also was not sure why he gave it to Sister Julienne to forward. Perhaps he was afraid of what he would say if he delivered it directly.

The day their eyes locked over the spirit lamps, he thought his heart would leap out of his chest. He was not a young man, but he suddenly felt like a smitten schoolboy around her. If Timothy had not come in just then, he was unsure of what he may have said or worse done.


	2. From the BeginningSister Bernadette

Sister Bernadette could not pinpoint when her confused feels about Dr. Turner started. It began as concern for him and Timothy after the death of his wife. She experienced the loss of her own mother and remembered how difficult it was for herself and her father. She worried about Timothy. Not doubting his love for his son, she knew his work caused him to repeatedly disappoint the lad.

She knew that doctor cared about everyone and had a practice of looking intently at anyone with whom he was speaking. This was very reassuring for his patients, but Sister found it unnerving. She felt he was looking at the secret thoughts she kept inside herself. Thoughts that perhaps she should not be having.

Her feelings grew more inappropriate as time continued. She knew he was lonely when he invited her to take tea with him. Part of her longed to say yes, but as she told him she really was expected in the dining room. Still she allowed him to look into her eyes for one brief moment. The look that made her feel happy and ill at the same time.

While she was originally entertained by the antics of the young nurses, as time went on she started to wonder what it would feel like to be gathered together behind closed doors drinking and giggling. The religious life was very restricted and at the same time very fulfilling. Why did she find herself thinking more and more about the restrictions and less about the joy and peace of the life she chose?

Perhaps it was this countenance that enticed her to say yes to his offer to smoke after Mave Carter's deliver. It may have looked innocent to a casual observer, but it felt very intimate sharing his Henley. Combine the close proximity they shared during the difficult deliveries and it was too much for her. She may have walked to her bicycle, but she felt as if she were running away.

Her confusion began to affect her spiritual life. She felt sad and lost still she continued on. She could go days without having any encounter with him and then it seemed as if she would see him many days in a row. She found herself looking for him and hoping that she would not see him at the same time.

The day she was alone with him to discuss the needs for the clinic she was annoyed. She felt his time was too important to waste on these matters. He in return seemed more concerned with her annoyance than the time being wasted. When she was explaining the issue with the spirit lamps and he stepped towards her, she knew she shouldn't, but she looked up at him. There he was with those intense eyes looking right into her soul. She thought her knees would buckle if Timothy had not run in and broken their connection.


	3. Thoughts and feelings

Patrick was not sure why he felt annoyed with her. Maybe because in that moment he was so pleased to be alone with her and she seemed so displeased. He listened as she listed the improvements needs for the clinic. He knew the midwives used the glass spirit lamps to boil the urine, but still he stepped closer to her and picked a lamp up for himself. It was in that moment that she raised her eyes and looked directly at him. He felt as though he were drowning in the blue sea of her eyes. He wanted to stay there forever, but quickly the moment passed when Timothy ran in.

He knew her hand was not seriously wounded when he decided to follow her into the parish hall. There she was so small and petite standing by the sink. When she held her hand out to him he took it. Her palm was so small in his hand and so soft to touch. He really was not sure why he dared to bring his lips to her hand. It was marvelous for the moment until she pulled her hand away. Why was it that her faith which he so admired was what was keeping her from him.

Sister confusion and sorrow was growing by the day. When Sister Monica Joan spoke out about her sadness she just wanted to hide away. She tried to explain to Sister Julienne, but she could not admit it herself. She felt as if she were turning her back on God with her feelings and thoughts.

Sister was aware of him at the fete. She watched him as he laughed at Timothy's antics on stage. She felt disappointed when Jenny came and took him away. She wished she had some need that required his attention. Then she realized that once again a medical need had pulled him away from his son. Without hesitation she stepped into his place for the race. Then he was back and handing the fallen specs to her.

She knew the moment that his lips touch her hand that her feelings were so much more than her imagination. It was as if an electrical wave went through her body. He used words like unforgivable and not deserving to live. She wished that the most lovely moment could not also be so wrong.

Lying in bed she touched the healing wound and could still remember the exquisite feeling. She tried to pray, but thoughts of him got in her way. She felt as though she was losing her faith...She felt so lost.


	4. The x ray van

She was not happy to be going to meet with the board in Sister Julienne's place. She was happy to advocate for the mass x ray van to come to Poplar but she did not want to spend time alone with him. He looked very surprised to see her and acted very serious. She did not know why he apologized for being late when he was waiting for her. Appropriate...was that the only word she could find to describe his tie.

She felt so aware of his physical presence in the car and walking in. Perhaps it ignited the passion she had as she spoke out for the people of Poplar. It was really quite exciting to fight for what they needed. In that excitement she once again made the grave mistake of allowing their eyes to meet. Again she ran away.

He was completely surprised to see her coming down the stairs that morning. He truly sounded like an idiot going on about being late and his tie. In the car he wanted to apologise for what he had done. He sensed that she wanted to ignore him. Walking down the hall side by side he knew he could move his hand the smallest bit and it would touch hers. He refrained as again he would need to apologise. When they finished her smile was so happy and her eyes very bright. She made his heart skip a beat when she looked at him and called him tremendous. Just as quick as the magic came a shadow cast over her as she scurried away leaving him to stand there dazed.

There was so much excitement surrounding the van when the fifth of August finally came Poplar was a buzz. He loved to see how happy Sister seemed as she handing him the box of x ray cards. When she helped the scared little girl get courage for an x ray he was sure that he loved her. All his joy of the day evaporated when he was given her x ray by Dr McGuinness. The screening was meant to detect those with tuberculosis, but he never imagined this. He felt like he had a boulder on his chest as he made his way to Nonnatus house. His medical mind knew that TB was no longer a death sentence especially when it was caught early. Afterall that was what he had argued to the board just last week. Waiting for her to come into the room seemed an eternity. Her happy smile when she entered nearly broke him.

Sister felt happy as she prepared to leave for the x ray van. She was so pleased at the thought of helping prevent the spread of a disease. She knew she would be working with doctor all day, but working was very different than just being with him. She left with a spring in her step for the first time in ages. The day was exhausting and exhilarating all at once. When she was told that Dr. Turner want to see her privately she was confused as to why. He would never approach her at Nonnatus. She was still very satisfied from the successful day when she happily greeted him. It took but a moment for her to realize that something was not right. He was very serious and professional as she sat across from him and he slid the x ray in front of her. She was sobered quickly and in disbelief as she quietly answered each of his questions...breathlessness maybe...maybe when I am near you, she thought...no cough. When he told her he would need to examine her, all she felt was dread.

As he showed her the x ray and she realized it was hers, she asked how many in such a quiet voice it had lost her familiar lilt. When she told him she had no cough he felt relieved. He was very nervous as he had to examine her and touch her and he would have to be detached and professional when inside he felt neither of those.

He averted his eyes as he listened to her lungs and heart. He did not dare look, but he sensed she was doing the same. He could hear her heart beating very rapidly. It took everything he had to stay calm when she tried to refuse his offer of a ride. She could be very stubborn.

The experience of having him so near and asking her to breath in and out was torturous. She felt her heart hammering and knew he could hear it which was embarrassing. Still she was worried about her health and her future.

She barely slept that night tossing and turning. She finally had something to really pray about and still she struggled to stay focused. She worried she lost her faith and the TB was punishment.

Again she ignored him in the car the next morning. She could tell he wanted to say something to her. She wondered what it was, but knew it was better not knowing. She went through all the medical procedures. When she was done he was there. Together they faced a silent drive to St Annes.

As he handed over her suitcase he assured her the triple treatment was effective. She was not so sure in that moment she could only see the illness as her punishment. She walked away from him with determination not to look back. She knew if she did he would be there watching her with his sad sympathetic eyes.

In the car that morning he turned to her and started to speak. He wanted to tell her that it would be okay. He wanted to tell her he would be there for her. He wanted to tell her he loved her. Instead he said nothing and started the car. One look at her he knew she did not want to hear any of those thing...not now and perhaps not ever.

He had not slept the night before. He had come so far since he lost his wife and he could feel himself slipping back into sorrow and loneliness. He knew he could not let dark demons back into his life. He had a son and had to be happy for him. He had to find joy in small things like the birth of a baby or the healing of a patient...or the memory of the bluest eyes.

Leaving her at the sanatorium was sad. He wanted to take her in his arms, but of course he couldn't. He tried to reassure her about the effectiveness of her treatment. She quietly said we shall see. Driving back to Poplar he missed her sitting silently beside him. Silently he wondered what she meant by more than kind. Did she realize just how much he cared?


	5. St Anne's

As he handed over her suitcase he assured her the triple treatment was effective. She was not so sure in that moment she could only see the illness as her punishment. She walked away from him with determination not to look back. She knew if she did he would be there watching her with his sad sympathetic eyes.

In the car that morning he turned to her and started to speak. He wanted to tell her that it would be okay. He wanted to tell her he would be there for her. He wanted to tell her he loved her. Instead he said nothing and started the car. One look at her he knew she did not want to hear any of those thing...not now and perhaps not ever.

He had not slept the night before. He had come so far since he lost his wife and he could feel himself slipping back into sorrow and loneliness. He knew he could not let dark demons back into his life. He had a son and had to be happy for him. He had to find joy in small things like the birth of a baby or the healing of a patient...or the memory of the bluest eyes.

Leaving her at the sanatorium was sad. He wanted to take her in his arms, but of course he couldn't. He tried to reassure her about the effectiveness of her treatment. She quietly said we shall see. Driving back to Poplar he missed her sitting silently beside him. Silently he wondered what she meant by more than kind. Did she realize just how much he cared?

Saint Anne's was a lonely place for Sister. The only thing she had in common with the others was the illness. Even there she was bound by the rules of religious life. She continued to struggle with her feelings. The illness did not make her as sick as the treatment itself made her feel unwell and tired. She reminded herself every day that Dr. Turner's effort to bring the screening van may have saved her life and prevented her from spreading it to others.

All she had was time. Time to rest and time to think. Sister Monica Joan had scorned her before for taking too much time to herself and now she was being punished with more time than she needed. She received letters from everyone at Nonnatus. She loved hearing the news. She also received letters from him.

She could not open his letters. She was being punished for her improper contact and she could not let it continue. Nurse Peters teased her which only made her feel worse. She tried to repent for her sins, but her mind continued to think of him. With too much time it was too easy to recall the feeling of his hand and lips on her hand.


	6. The Letters

He told himself that he was writing her because it was proper. The truth was his intentions were anything but proper. He wrote to cure his loneliness and to make sure she did not forget him.

Dear Sister,

I hope you are faring well with the treatment. Sometimes a cure can be worse than the illness. Timothy misses you. He seems to grow a bit every day. I miss you. Clinic was not the same without you.

Get well soon.

Dr. Turner

He decided the letter was appropriate. Perhaps three words were not, but they could mean other than what he felt. He decided that he would write every week although it became more difficult to censor his words.

Dear Sister,

I hope you feel well enough to enjoy summer. As you know fresh air works wonderful for tuberculosis. Summer in the city is not like in the country. Timothy's summer holidays are almost over. I would love some news of your health. I worry about you and think of you often. Please let me know how you are.

Dr. Turner

Dear Sister,

We are all so busy here. Everyone misses you. I miss you most of all. I came to rely on your presence to help me through my loneliness. Now I feel alone because of you more than the loss of my wife. Maybe I should not have written that, but I felt the need. I hope you are responding well to your treatment. Please write and tell me.

Warm regards,

Dr. P Turner

Dear Sister,

I had hoped that I would hear from you. I hope you are not too ill to write. Of course that would mean that you are choosing not to contact me. I told you that I would accept that your life is with God. Forgive me but I wish that everything were different. I wish you were well and you were free to let me look at you. I wish you wanted me to look at you. Forgive me I am tired and am confessing thoughts I should not be thinking.

Please be well.

Dr. P Turner


	7. The Pain

Sister stared at the four unopened letters. Her x rays were showing much improvement. Maybe she was not being punished for her feelings like she feared. She prayed for counsel. She had rest and peace at St. Anne's, but none of it helped to erase the memories she wanted to forget. The growing piles of letters was just a reminder.

She was so happy to have visitors. The day Trixie visited she brought a letter and box from Timothy. She was so pleased he wanted her to solve the mystery of the butterfly. She missed the boy terribly. She want to ask Trixie how Doctor was, but stopped herself.

Dr. Turner dared to ask Nurse Franklin about Sister only after she mentioned her. He was surprised to hear that her letters to others were regular when she had not written to him at all. So shocked that his response was ridiculous and he fumbled and dropped his spoon. Tickety boo and marvelous...bloody hell what a fool he must have sounded like.

He should stop writing to her as she clearly did not want to hear from him. He sat in the car in the pouring rain thinking about not writing her again. Could he really stop? "Are you sad Dad?" Tim asked. He told him he wasn't but deep down he knew that he was.

He did not care he had to write again…

Dear Sister,

I have heard that you are improving. I was very pleased at this news. As a doctor I was sure you would recover as a man who cares for you I was concerned with what could go wrong. I wish I knew the reason why you will not write. Is it because you do not care for me or could it be that you care too much? I promised that I would accept your turning your back to me. I do feel lost because I made you a promise that I can not seem to keep. Timmy is anxious for news from you as well. It was not my idea to send the moth. I truly hope since you are feeling better, you will write.

Yours,

P. Turner


	8. Maybe

Sister dreamed of him but could not allow herself to open his letters. If she did she would be choosing him and turning away from God. She prayed for an answer and all she saw when she shut her eye was his face looking into her eyes. Was it possible that she was getting her answer? Maybe she needed to pray about truly what her life should be. Was it possible that God was offering her a different life...a family? Maybe he wanted her to heal them.

She spent a few days praying on this new direction and everything it meant. Over and over she read the words in Revelations Of Divine Love. "What? Do you wish to know your Lord's meaning in this thing? Know it well — Love was His meaning."

Eventually she decided it was time to speak to Sister Julienne. Sister Julienne listened as she explained that she had been lying to herself and to God. She had thought she had lost her faith, but she realised that God was calling her to a different life.

Still she was afraid because she did not even know how doctor really felt She knew she needed to read his letters. She read them in order. She finished with the one she had just received.

Dear Sister,

I have come to the conclusion that you are not reading my letters. I have decided that I will write from my heart as it will make me feel better even if it ends up in the bin. I love you. It came to me slowly over time, but I have no doubts. I knew when I came to you with your x ray. I wanted so much to hold you, but all I could do was pretend I did not care while examining you. I have missed you terribly. I do not expect anything from you. I know you are promised to God with whom I can not compare. I will always respect you and will try to never make you feel uncomfortable again.

Love,

P.

She reread the letters especially the last two to make sure she understood. He loved her. She knew she should write him, but she was not ready ...what would she say. So she decided to write his son.

Dr Turner felt better after he sent the last letter. He told her how he felt. Even though he wasn't much of a believing man, it was like a prayer that he offered up to God. He was surprised when Timothy received a reply from her. She was always so caring towards his son. What interested him the most was that she had read his letters and promised a reply. He hoped "in due course" meant very soon. He felt excitement run though his body just thinking about her reading his letters. He told her that he loved her and she said they were kind and was going to reply.


	9. Certain

She was nervous and excited when she dressed in her old street clothes to leave St. Anne's. She decided she would call to let him know she was coming back to Poplar. She was so glad to hear his voice it confirmed that this was real. He was concerned over her taking the bus. She was determined to leave she had been waiting too long to set out into her new life.

He could not believe that she telephoned him or what she had said. Was it true was she coming back to him? He was so sorry he got called away. He had to get to her...he needed to get to her.

Timothy surprised him when he jumped in his car. He supposed it was just as well as what ever happened would affect Tim too. When he did not see her or a bus on the road to the Sanitorium he kept driving past. He was thinking of turning around when Timothy shouted.

He was shocked to see her there not wearing a habit and wimple. Her hair and tiny figure were both a mystery to him until now. He ran to her and reached out to touch her forehead partly by instinct and partly because he just wanted to touch her to see that this was real.

Shelagh sighed and relaxed when he touched her forehead. Finally...they made a start. She found herself inside his car again. This time it was not silent Timothy saw to that. When Patrick turned towards her and smiled, she felt it all the way down to her toes. She kept saying his name in her head...Patrick, Patrick, Patrick.. As they drew closer to Poplar she knew that the most difficult part of her day was still ahead for of her.


	10. Back to Poplar

He offered to go with her to see Sister Julienne, but she told him that she had to do this on her own. Afterall he had to get to the surgery and still had not done his rounds for the day.

Walking into Nonnatus House felt so strange she suddenly no longer belonged there. It was then in Sister Julienne's office that she finally confessed the reason for her leaving. At the Sanitorium she had told Sister Julienne that she wanted other things but never named them. She could not put it off any longer. She bumbled a bit saying that she never planned it and she had tried to fight it. Finally confused Sister Julienne asked her what it was and she told her love. That she had found love. She was asked with whom and she had to tell her. The biggest confession of her life only took one word ...Doctor. There was a realization in the older woman's eyes perhaps she had seen things that now made sense. Things like her caring for the boy and her defense of the man. She also tried very hard to assure her dear mentor that nothing untoward had ever happened. She explained how it had happened slowly over time and other than once touching her hand he had not shared his true feelings until after she went away. She signed her name and took her ring off her right hand and she was no longer Sister Bernadette. She felt loss and sorrow and excitement all at the same time.

Patrick wanted to see Shelagh again. He knew that she was planning to find a room after she took care of things at Nonnatus House. He told her that she should rest and suggested that she could telephone him later. He was writing some notes at his desk when he looked down at his left hand and realised he could no longer wear his wedding band. Perhaps he should have taken it off some time ago, but it was a protection. If he was thought of as a widower then he would not be seen as a man in love with a woman could not have. He still could not believe that she chose to give up her life for him. He felt like the luckiest man alive.

Shelagh found a room quickly and had to admit she was very tired. Not only had her day been emotional, but she was still recovering from TB. She lay on her bed and thought about Patrick. She did not know what to expect next. Even she had told Chummy that in a relationship between a man and woman, there will eventually be flirtatious behavior that falls outside the realm of gentlemanly conduct. She never dreamed that she would ever encounter such a situation and now she was frightened. Still Patrick was such a gentle man. Still he was still a man and he had been alone for a long time. She could feel her cheeks getting red just thinking these things.

She did not see Patrick again that day. She had called him and it was then that she learned about Chummy and her hemorrhage. She felt sad because she wanted to be with her family at Nonnatus, but felt she no longer belonged. She stayed in her room alone.

Sister Julienne said her journey would not be an easy one and she was right. Everyone in Poplar knew her and Patrick so it was difficult to see each other without drawing attention to themselves. For the first ten days she was back in Poplar, she spent most of it alone. She had not even seen Patrick, but a few times. It was Patrick that convinced her that she needed to go to the Christening for Chummy's baby boy. He made her agree to met him in the parish hall first and they would go together.


	11. Will You

Patrick did not plan on what it would truly be like after she chose him. He realized that they could not just walk through the streets of Poplar hand in hand. He understood that it was not appropriate for her to be at his house. He was a grown man and could not spend time with the woman he loved. He never questioned his intention from the time he realized that he loved her. He knew he wanted to marry her and decided the sooner the better. Living in limbo was too difficult. Even Tim wanted to see her more and was so happy when he sat him down to discuss his plans to ask her to marry him. It was Tim who wanted to be part of the asking so he wrote the words.

Waiting for her at the Parish Hall he was nervous. He was standing in the same place that their love had started and where he had kissed her hand months ago. When she entered she greeted him. He loved hearing her say his name. He had not realized how seldom he heard his own name, he was always doctor or dad. He let Timmy's note do the asking, it just did not feel right for him to get down on one knee. Just like much of their relationship she answered with her eyes wordlessly. In remembrance of that other magic moment he kissed her hand after putting the ring on her finger.

Shelagh was so thrilled when she read the note. Timothy wanted her, Patrick wanted her to be his wife. She needed this joy to carry her through the awkwardness of seeing everyone again. She knew that she was not alone, Patrick would be by her side and Timothy of course.

Her former family were so happy to see her which only made her feel worse. It was extremely awkward appearing as Shelagh for the first time. Not only that but with the ring on her finger and her man at her side, the reason she left the order was quite obvious. They all acted as if they were happy for her, but she wondered if they were just being kind. The best part of the day was just being near Patrick.

After the engagement, Shelagh decided that she could go to Patrick's home. After all she could spend time with Tim in the afternoons and be there for Patrick when he came home. They settled into a routine and for bit of time each evening they would sit and plan their wedding and their future. Most often they would hold hands as they talked.

Patrick loved coming home and having her there. It was in the kitchen one evening a week or so after their engagement that they were laughing about a story of his day. Without thinking he took her hand and pulled her towards him as he told her that he loved when she laughed. Holding her close looking into her eyes and her so tiny looking back at him he leaned in to kiss her. He did not know why he waiting so long, but he was constantly afraid of scaring her. It was a soft and gentle kiss and did not last but a few moments. When they broke apart she smiled at him and he pulled her in again and hugged her. He held her and she held him back and for the first time they felt their bodies together. All the time he was whispering in her ear how much he truly loved her.

Shelagh felt dizzy from the kiss and the closeness and his words. She never wanted him to let her go. He did eventually and they continued washing the dishes. Depending on the weather he would either walk her or drive her home most often Timothy came too as it was still early. Shelagh still went to sleep early and rose very early after years of religious life she was programmed to wake at four thirty. Sometimes the early morning hours could be lonely but most often she spent them in pray. Her prayers had changed they were most often prayers of thanks for the love she had found.

It was not unusual for them to hug and kiss now. Most kisses were chaste, but on occasion when Timothy was not in sight they would be a little more passionate. It was after a rather passionate kiss one evening that Patrick brought up the subject of children. He asked her if she wanted a child and she told him that she did very much want to have children. Patrick did not speak often about his wife but he did confide that he always wanted more children but she had not. She never liked living in Poplar and always wanted him to find work elsewhere. Having only one child was perhaps her way of letting Poplar know she was not like them. He loved his wife but she never understood his work, not in the way that Shelagh did.

Shelagh had too much time to herself. She could not wait for her marriage to take place, but also felt as if they were doing something wrong. They...she chose a private ceremony because a part of her still felt ashamed about leaving Nonnatus.

She was also nervous about becoming his wife. Sister Evangelina always remind the girls that men always want one thing which keeps midwives very busy. She and Patrick wanted children and there was only one way...She felt completely unprepared. She even thought about getting a copy of Lady Chatterley's Lover to read, but did not dare.


	12. Two Days!

She knew there were people talking around Poplar, and it made her angry when Timothy mentioned overhearing two women talking about her. Patrick sensed she was bothered and tried to reassure her. He mentioned the Sisters and that they ask about her. In many ways his life went on as normal. He saw the Sisters everyday. Shelagh wondered if it was because he is a man or the doctor that the same judgement was not passed on to him. She was still so confused and straddling two lives and not quite living in either.

When the evacuation happened, she knew she could not face all those people. Especially not carrying her bridal shop box. It was completely improper to go to Patrick's house, but it seemed the better of two bad choices. It felt very intimate sitting together wear his pyjama shirt. It was the first time she ever remembered seeing him without a tie. Two days and then they would be married.

Patrick was shocked to see her at his door. He longed to have her under his roof but not like this. She insisted on taking the sofa and looked so beautiful in this pyjama shirt with her hair down. He had trouble sleeping that night knowing she was just down stairs. He wanted to go to her, but knew he must wait. When he got out of bed that morning his first thought was two more nights without her.

Her visit back to the bridal shop was a disaster. When the shopkeeper said that most girls who go off their dress have really gone off their groom she knew she had to leave. She had not gone off her groom. Then the shopkeeper asked if she had sisters. A simple question that for Shelagh had no right answer ...no seemed the easiest thing to say.


	13. The Wedding

The Christmas Eve wedding was not to be. What followed were many dark days. Days when she questioned if they were being punished again. Days when she tried to support him and hoped she was doing enough. Hours of quietly sitting vigil at Timothy's side. Patrick looked so tired. Finally Tim spoke and she saw him relax for the first time in days.

It was in the aftermath of Timothy's illness when they started planning a new wedding. Between the support she received from her Nonnatus family and Patrick's persuasion, they began planning a real wedding.

The day she found herself at Chummy's house with the girls fussing over her, Shelagh felt like she was in a dream. She longed to be one of them not standing on the outside and suddenly she was the center of attention.

The wedding took place on a beautiful April day. Patrick had waited so long for this day. He told Tim that weddings were about love. All he could feel was love as he lifted her veil and looked into her smiling blue eyes.

Shelagh felt like she were in a fairy tale dressed in her wedding gown and veil. When Patrick lifted her veil and smiled at her she felt her heart swell. Now she was Mrs. Patrick Turner, wife and stepmother. Tonight…


	14. The Wedding Night

They celebrated their marriage with their friends and family and Timothy was sent to stay the night with Granny Parker in Chelsea. Patrick was relieved that his son's Grandmother was supportive of his remarriage. But that was barely a thought as he finally brought his bride into his home. He was very nervous about the night ahead. He knew that he only wanted his wife to feel comfortable and was not certain of how.

Shelagh had been worried about this night for months. As time went on the more she found herself wanting this...him…. the more nervous she felt. It was Chummy who sought her out to talk to her. As a married woman Chummy must have realized the gravity of going from nun to wife. She even helped her choose just the right attire to wear on her wedding night. Now as she prepared to dress for her husband she was unsure, as she put on the ivory full length gown. She looked at her shoulders and collarbone all the places that were normally covered. Quickly she tied the matching robe. She sat down and removed her glasses and started to brush her hair.

She was aware that she was sitting at a dressing table that was once belonged to another woman. Just as the bed behind her was the one he had shared before. Would she please him when she did not know what she was doing. As a nurse and midwife, she understood what would happen, but had no idea how they would get from this moment to that. Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Patrick coming out of the bathroom in the hall. She took a deep breath and went to the door to let him in. He had his shirt open, braces hanging and shoes off. She had not seen him that way since the night of the evacuation.

He smiled when he saw her. He wondered how hard it was for her to shop for her wedding night. She was radiantly beautiful. He was amazed that she chose I life with him over God. He could not forget that she had spent years living a vow of chastity. He was nervous as well. Perhaps he thought, he would disappoint her as he was no longer a young man.

Because it was what was familiar he took her hand. First he admired her wedding ring which he had placed on her finger in front of their friends. He then turned her hand over palm up and just had he did in front of the sink in the parish hall he kissed it. She smiled and told him that she would not turn her back on him. He in turn told her that they need not do anything she was not ready for.

She admitted that she was nervous, but assured him she wanted to be a good wife. He told her that he too was nervous which surprised her.

Still holding her hand he pulled her towards him and twirled her into a waltz. He loved to see her laugh. Slowly he kissed her much like he had the first time in his kitchen. Only this time the kiss was deep and full of passion which left them both breathless. Slowly he left a trail of kisses down her neck and throat while he pushed her robe off her shoulder. Holding her around her waist he could tell just how tiny she was through the thin fabric.

Shelagh felt alive every touch she felt in her belly. She had her hands on his chest and could feel his heart beating through his shirt. Eventually they sat together on the bed. She watched as he untied the belt of her robe and allowed it to fall off her shoulders. She heard him whisper how beautiful she was. She whispered back that she loved him. With that he was kissing her full of passion. Slowly she felt his hand move from her shoulder to gently cup her breast. She sighed as she realized that she truly liked his touch. She knew she should touch him back but just did not know where or how.

He moved back on the bed and patted the bed for her to come closer. She moved over and snuggled up to him putting her head on his shoulder. He realized he wanted to hold her like this for the rest of his life. How he loved the way her tiny body felt. Turning towards her he kissed her putting some of his weight on her. Gradually he moved him hand over her perfect breast again and down to her hip. He wanted her to touch him but suspected that she would not. He so wanted to undress but he did not want to scare her. He decided the best way was to tell her what he planned.

When he told her he was going to get up to take off his trousers she was fascinated and scared. She watched him take off his and hang them over a chair. He unbuttoned his shirt and draped it over the chair as well. There he stood in his boxers and vest. She was scared and thrilled as his desire for her was quite obvious.. She was glad when he joined her on the bed again. She reached for him and he came to her and kissed her deep.

He was not sure how much longer he could hold off. He put his hand on her thigh and she seemed to kiss him more. Rolling on top of her wedging his leg between her he looked down at her and asked him she was alright. She nodded. By the time he fully consummated their marriage he knew he loved her more than even he could have dreamed.

He was so patient and gentle she never felt scared. It was beautiful feeling being so close to him, the man she loved. She wanted to say something as they shared a Henley. She spoke the one thing that came to her. "no wonder there are so many babies is Poplar."

Patrick laughed at her remark. Very astute she was. He watched her fight to stay awake. it was very late for her. She curled into him with her head on his shoulder. As he lay there he thought how happy he was.

Shelagh slept well past four thirty that morning for the first time since she entered Nonnatus House. When she opened her eyes she saw Patrick peacefully sleeping beside her. She snuggled in close to him and quietly listened to his breathing. She had never felt more certain about her decision to leave the order as she did in that moment.

When Patrick woke Shelagh had her head on his shoulder and her hand on his chest. He could hardly believe his fortune that she had chosen to love him. Now she was his wife. "good morning Mrs. Turner" She smiled and leaned in for a kiss….


End file.
